I immediately wanted to see if this held true for Eva.
Eva page 69
I rose and walked to the window.
Hudson came over to stand beside me. Kyoko was using the end of her trunk to
twist hunks of grass out of Sofie’s lawn and shove them into her mouth.
“She
seems to be eating that okay,” Hudson said. “Jenny somehow found a baby
elephant who was already weaned.”
“How
old do you think she is?”
“Can’t
be more than a year. She’s barely larger than they say elephants are when
they’re born.”
I
couldn’t prevent my gaze from dropping to examine Hudson up close. The sweats
were baggy, but not baggy enough to conceal the fact that Hudson was going
commando. I jerked my eyes front and center again, turning my head so Hudson
couldn’t see the flush staining my cheeks. What was I? Sixteen?
A
muffled beep emanated from down the hallway.
“Dryer’s
done,” Sofie announced.
Hudson
was moving before she spoke. I turned to watch him, admiring the clench of his
ass beneath the soft material stretched tight around his hips, and silently
laughing at how short the sweats looked on him. My laughter died when he peeled
the tight shirt off. He waited until he was beyond the kitchen, in the gloomy
hallway, out of Sofie’s sight. Had I gone back to my seat on the couch, I would
have missed the show, too. As it was, I wished he’d flipped the hallway light
on. What the shadows revealed was enough to make my mouth water.
And now, let’s see the front, I thought,
admiring the play of muscles across his back. As if he heard me, just before he
slipped into the washroom, he turned his head and met my eyes. A slow grin
spread across his face, and he looped his thumbs into the waistband of the
sweats, tugging it down a tantalizing three inches to reveal the upper swell of
his white ass before he stepped out of sight. I blinked and took a step in his
direction.
“Close
your mouth, dear,” Sofie said, softly enough for only me to hear.
Micro-view?
I think page 69 passes the test. It's got the baby elephant, the sexual tension building between Hudson and Eva, Eva's sexuality seen in some of its multiple shades, and Sofie, who plays a major role in a minor way. Plus, that little unplanned snippet of a scene is one of my favorites in the first 150 pages I've edited.
Not too shabby.
2 comments:
Wow! "Hudson was going commando" It's fresh and light. I like it.
I can't wait for you to read the whole book. It's very different from Madison. (Totally not your kind of book, but since I wrote it, worth your read.)
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