My much reworked piece:
(Photo from here.)Cat hair coated the bar, and every stool was a grooved scratching post. The music was a lounge rendition of reggae that buffeted the subconscious toward thoughts of homicide, if not genocide. The drinks sucked. It was your standard gargoyle-run bar in all ways but one: A fistful of glass marbles bought ten seconds in front of a Mirror of Foretelling in the back room—the kitty litter room. It’d taken me a week to get the smell of cat piss out of my hair the last time. I had to be insane to be contemplating a second reading.
Whose book would I rather read based off these paragraphs? Mine, of course, because it's pure, raw fantasy, which I veered away from on my last project, and because now that I know a little about my character and her world, I want to know more. That said, I'd love to read Cody's story, too. It's guaranteed to be bloody, fast-paced, and a bit tongue-in-cheek noir, which sounds downright charming.